“Royal Baby” Is A Contradiction In Terms.

No baby is royal unless every one is.

Kate Middleton, who ignominiously allows herself to be called “The Duchess of Cambridge” because she married a weak, balding, unimpressive man who happens to have a mom with the made up last name “Windsor”, is giving birth. TO A “ROYAL BABY”!

Oh my god, you guys!

Hundreds of sycophantic reporters who probably had dreams and aspirations before they worked in broadcasting have descended on St. Mary’s Hospital, in Paddington. You can watch a LIVECAM [sic] of the door to the hospital here, if you want to. Which you don’t.

You should be upset every time a person is described as “royal”. It is not a charming tradition. It is not good for England. It is not worth the tourist dollars.

You should be upset by the sting of sheer arbitrariness. 

The sting is double when it is a baby. Why? Because “Royal Baby” is a contradiction in terms.

You should be upset because babies are not special (except yours, of course!). They are a meat template on which we make human beings, which are something sublime, something to celebrate. But as infants they really are meat.

I am not any more upset by the existence of a new member of this group of horrendous leeches, the British Monarchy, than I am by the existence of the previous ones. But the fact that it, the meat, quite literally has no credentials for being special (in that it has no credentials at all) highlights the ongoing idiocy and immorality that everyone who does not oppose the proliferation of the monarchy is complicit in.

Yes, in 1992, The Queen agreed to pay taxes on her personal income. How kind of her to “agree to” that. But she is still the hysterically high-maintenance girlfriend of the people of the United Kingdom, requiring a stream of countless priceless gifts and praise for how down to earth she is at the same time.

We can expect the same from her grandchild, if she and her clan have anything to say about it, unless we all simply stop agreeing with the abject fiction that “royal” means anything at all. Can we please all just stop using the word?

Here’s a news story that actually describes something pretty special: “New Human Being Comes Into Existence In London Today, Along with 360,000 Fellows Worldwide”. I’ll celebrate that.