Since I’ve run out of blog ideas—and have New Year’s Eve parties to get to—today I’m just going to post some of the things that people who are more interesting than I am have been saying on Twitter this year. Because that’s what journalists do. So, without further ado, here—curated with the the help of Favorious—is the second part of my annual round-up of political commentary from the brilliant and childish patriots who make fun of stuff online. My earlier round-up of health care reform tweets is here. Thanks to everyone for their unwitting contributions to my blog—and happy New Year!
@shariv67: My people use every part of the unemployment check.
@Girl11Eleven: Unemployment is educational. I’ve learned a watched pot does boil, liquor stores open at 9am and hair can dread faster than one would think.
@IamAntilia: I don’t know what you guys are talking about? The economy looks great from my parents’ guest room.
@aedison: Michael Steele has asked Harry “Negro” Reid to step down, saying “his words were offensivizzle.”
@kolchak: I now understand why Harry Reid never responded to that letter I wrote entirely in ebonics.
@thebenbrooks: Some blog just named Harry Reid “Mormon” of the Year. That’s a funny typo.
@thebenbrooks: Christine O’Donnell is a whiter shade of Palin.
@TheBosha: Latest rumor is that Christine O’Donnell may have had a child out of warlock.
@ryanmer:I bet Christine O’Donnell is really glad that she was beaten by a Democrat, and not a bucket of water.
@RexHuppke: In Christine O’Donnell’s defense, the first few amendments of the Constitution are pretty dull. It gets better when you get to the vampires.
@globetrottgirl: Go fuck yourself Christine O’Donnell. You might just like it.
@pourmecoffee: For young first-time voters, it’s similar to clicking “Like” button but with limited choices you don’t actually like.
@RexHuppke: CNN predicting John Boehner will become the first citrus fruit to serve as Speaker of the House.
@DieLaughing: I can’t wait to start blaming the GOP for everything wrong in America not being magically fixed upon their election to office.
@jimray: You know, it didn’t get dark this early back when the Democrats ran things.
@knitterplease: Bumper sticker idea: “I’m uninformed and uneducated. AND I VOTE.”
@badbanana: Hey WikiLeaks, “secret” doesn’t mean interesting. My chili recipe is secret. Don’t come back until you have Area 51 stuff.
@RexHuppke: I might take WikiLeaks seriously if its founder didn’t act like a cross between a Bond villain and a self-righteous barista.
@joeljohnson: It’s really brave of Visa, MasterCard, and Paypal to revoke the accounts of every accused rapist. That is what they’re doing, right?
@pourmecoffee: If the Pentagon really wants to foil WikiLeaks, they should save everything in .docx format. No one can open those things.
@BorowitzReport: This tax cut bullshit wouldn’t be happening if we had a Democrat in the White House.
@Jason_maybe: My son asked me what a Republican was. To demonstrate, I took half his toys and gave them to the rich neighbor’s kids.
@bonisteel: With everyone watching Democrats fight Democrats over tax cuts, now would be a great time for Republicans to have sex in airport washrooms.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
@aedison: Can’t wait for Obama to announce the study to study studies on the effect of constantly putting off the repeal of DADT.
@JerryThomas: I am such an idiot. All these years I thought DADT was about who farted.
@pourmecoffee: I bet I know one way to reduce bullying. Don’t let bullies decide when other people can marry or serve their country.
@lafix: The repeal of DADT is long overdue in that it also draws attention to the entirety of John McCain’s irrelevance.
@aedision: Sure, women in the military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq. But the gays are the problem.
@thesulk: Michael Vick is ready to play this Sunday. Also, dogs trust humans not to kill them.
@juliussharpe: Is President Obama going to call and congratulate everyone who didn’t kill a dog this year, or just Michael Vick?
@jasonmustian: If nothing else, Ben Roethlisberger’s six game suspension teaches Michael Vick a valuable lesson: Next time, RAPE the dogs.
@JerryThomas: People, must we choose sides? Can’t we unite behind our mutual hatred for both Michael Vick AND Tucker Carlson?