Everyday Philosophy: Freud and the Buddha debate what to do about desire

I think a lot of people can relate to this question. In fact, if we believe the Buddha, almost everyone can relate to this question. The problem is universal: It’s structural to the human condition and centers on craving. We all crave things — we thirst for new adventures and desire new thrills. We are the relentless cat chasing the mouse. We want a bigger house, more money, and always to look more beautiful. We commit to a project until it bores us, and then we commit to another.

So, to answer Violette’s question, we’ll dive into the nature of human craving. I’ll assume that when Violette talks about “other people,” her perception is correct. After all, in my experience, when it seems like other people are perfectly happy and loving life, it’s never entirely accurate. The grass is always greener, and social media posts are rarely reflective of a person’s inner life. But we shall park that for a minute and divide the world into two: the Violettes of the world, who are constantly dissatisfied, and the Buddhas of the world, who are content with life.

Can the former become the latter? And should they?

The Buddha: Extinguish desires

Before the Buddha was the Buddha, he was a pampered prince called Siddhartha. But over a series of days, he witnessed four events that changed his attitude toward life entirely, kicking off his journey to Buddhahood. On one particular day, while walking through a marketplace, he saw the huge bustle and horsetrading. It was a sensory explosion of money, greed, and luxury. But sitting in a corner was an old man with his begging cup, looking serene.

“Who is that man?” Siddhartha asked his bodyguard, who replied, “He is a monk who has renounced possessions.”

That night, Siddhartha reflected on desire. He held two images in his mind: the haggling, bloated frustration of marketers and the calm peace of the monk. In that moment, he became revolted by desire. Desire was a poison that twisted you, but it was also an addiction. The more you satisfy your desires, the more you need. The more you get, the more you want. And so, like an alcoholic pouring all his booze down the sink, Siddhartha decided to renounce all desire.

Of course, this is no easy thing, and the job of a Buddhist is to follow the Eightfold Path. But this is not a Buddhist pamphlet, and Violette’s question probably doesn’t require a monkish renunciation of all material possessions. But Siddhartha’s observation reveals that the Violettes of the world are tortured by some unquenchable thirst.

To find peace, Violette might begin by recognizing that restlessness is a natural part of the human experience, not something to be fought or feared. Instead of immediately seeking new distractions when boredom arises, try sitting with the discomfort and exploring what it reveals. Today, mindfulness is very popular, and that’s because it seems to address the same issue Violette is experiencing. So, try to cultivate an element of mindfulness — allow yourself to explore new interests, but balance it with moments of stillness and reflection. Over time, this practice can transform the restless craving for “more” into a deeper appreciation for what already is.

Sigmund Freud: The repressed desire is dangerous

I think we can all empathize with Siddhartha. When I see a gentle monkish character sitting cross-legged and smiling at passersby, a part of me thinks, “That seems nice.” But even if we agree on the diagnosis — that desire leads to suffering — we can disagree on the Buddha’s medicine. A great many philosophers have disagreed with the idea of renunciating desire. Some, like Arthur Schopenhauer, did so on the basis that it’s impossible — we can’t ever be rid of our cravings. Others, like Friederich Nietzsche, argue that a desireless life is a worse cure than the disease — it’s possibly even inhuman.

But Sigmund Freud argues both of these points. Freud agrees with the Buddha that humans all have these manifest desires that guide our every act. We have primal, animalistic energies, like our libido, as well as rational desires such as wanting lots of friends. But Freud differs from the Buddha in arguing that we can never get rid of these desires; we can only hide them. We can pretend they don’t exist or push them deep inside. And, if you know anything about Freud, it’s that repression is bad. When we bury things, they bubble up in unhealthy ways. They fester and grow, exploding out in the form of neuroses and mental illnesses. As Freud put it, “The repressed usually remains unconscious, and by its help we can explain the numerous processes of illness and neurosis.”

So, Violette, let’s say you’re interested in something new — or someone new. You try a bit of Buddhism and try to evaporate your desire. You contemplate and meditate, and your desire seems to go away. Freud would say that your unsatisfied need will express itself in different ways. It’ll find a way out somehow. That way out might be fairly palatable, or it might lead to serious mental illness. Either way, Freud’s advice is not to ignore the craving but to inspect and unpack it. (Which requires, of course, psychotherapy).

A better relationship with desire

To find some middle ground (which is also a Buddhist perspective), we’ll try to recognize two essential observations about human nature. The first is the Buddha’s insight that suffering comes from our endless desires. His solution of renouncing desire entirely may seem extreme to many, but it is rooted in the wisdom that constantly chasing after the next thing leaves us perpetually unsatisfied. On the other hand, Freud’s theory adds nuance by recognizing that desires, especially those deeply ingrained in our psyche, cannot simply be extinguished. If repressed, they manifest in harmful ways, leading to inner turmoil.

So, what’s Violette to do? I would suggest Violette acknowledge her desires without becoming enslaved by them. Rather than denying our cravings or endlessly feeding them, explore them. Understand where they come from and what they truly mean, while appreciating the Buddhist recommendation that we not let them dominate our lives.

In practical terms, this could involve incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life to bring awareness to desires as they arise, alongside self-reflection or therapy to explore their deeper roots. It’s about finding freedom — not rejecting or suppressing desire entirely, but cultivating a more conscious relationship with it.